So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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