soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
