Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
