i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
