You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
