if you like me you must not know who I am
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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