also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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