all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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