So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize