Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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