There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
