genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
