does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
