Don't you send me to vm
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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