Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
