I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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