I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In America we eat man semen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
