I just cut my nipple shaving
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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