I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
