the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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