I haven't been this sober since birth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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