I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
