Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just threw up on my dentist
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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