Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
