he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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