We named our party play list daddy issues
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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