the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
