So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
