how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize