actually, I'm a sock model
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
