he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Floor bacon is actually really good
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
