Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
