Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize