Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
