before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
