Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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