dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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