I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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