She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
