Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
