the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
