i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
