u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
