The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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