When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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