I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
