I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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