It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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