I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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