eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My balls are so social today.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
