my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
