We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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