Where is the hickey?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
