Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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