my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
