stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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