Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
