Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
