Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
