whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize