her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize