Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
