Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
