definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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