Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
